why this very popular advice is wrong
have you ever heard the advice that if something isn’t a ‘hell yes’ it’s a ‘hell no’?
this sounds great, right? a life where everything to which you say ‘yes’ is exuberant! no more doing things about which you feel lukewarm! pure bliss ahead!
i tend to give people the benefit-of-the-doubt and believe that derek sivers (who coined this concept was coming from a place of wanting us to make decision-making easier in a world filled with over-demanding schedules).
however, here’s the problem with this advice: it’s one dimensional.
some of the best decisions I’ve ever made have come from tepid or even resistant places, often because of fear, limiting beliefs, outdated internal narratives, and/or past experiences muddying my expectations.
plus, our lives are not made up of siloed decisions. they are an accumulation of them. and, when we make decisions, we often have to keep making them over and over again.
consider this as an example: when you said ‘yes’ to your partner (in love and/or business). but you didn't make that decision once. you continue to decide (actively or passively) every day about the commitment.
or this example: there was a time when you said ‘yes’ to going all-in on your business. yet, even on the days that don’t feel like a rousing ‘hell yes’, you decide again to show up, be a professional, work through the block, and commit to the practice and outcomes you say you’ll generate for your customers.
if you jumped ship because it doesn’t feel like a ‘hell yes’ on an arbitrary day (or a swath of days), you’d be missing out on what it’s really about: showing up to the things you’re called to and committed to doing even when your head or heart aren’t in it. because, oftentimes, a few days/hours/minutes later, you feel a ‘hell yes’ again (or even a 'meh, ok, yes'). but if you’d walked away at any sign of dispassion, you wouldn’t know that.
plus, the most fulfilling outcomes don’t come from life always feeling like a 10 out of 10. it’s the times that feel like a 1-7 that really define us and help us to appreciate the fruits that eventually come. i like to say, ‘without black, there is no white’, and vice-versa. meaning: you need the spectrum to appreciate it all.
this is why tapping into our intuition is so important. because we can’t single-handedly rely on our emotions or mood to dictate our outcomes. and we certainly can’t rely primarily or exclusively on others to dictate our decisions for us.
one quick method to tap into your intuition when making a decision:
-close your eyes
-image doing the thing in consideration
-then pay attention to your body
-does it expand (yes), contract (no), or feel neutral (could go either way)?
-our bodies hold a lot of wisdom and answers if we tap in and listen…
please hear that i'm not saying you can't ever say 'no', nor that you can't quit something. because you can and should do both. but not based on this 'hell yes or hell no' framework.
also note that you need NOT know the outcome or big picture to make any forward steps. sometimes simply tapping into your intuition and deciding about each micro-decision is all you can do, awaiting the path to unfold before you.
so, from now on, consider that even when it’s not a ‘hell yes’, it might still be a ‘yes’, and let your future self thank you for showing up even when you didn’t feel like it.
