what 13 years of hindsight has taught me
hindsight is funny and memory isn’t always reliable (just look at data from eyewitness testimonies).
but one thing i know for sure is that when i think from today’s vantage point of 13 years as a business owner back to years 1 through 5, i can say decidedly that i was living in a state of constant adrenaline fatigue and stress.
but i didn’t realize it.
i thought it was par for the course and the only business owners i knew at the time were full-blown champions of that way of life, prostrating at the altar of the ‘sleep when you’re dead’ culture.
i hit a major wall after two embezzlements, when a whale client left (and with them went 70% of our revenue…lesson learned), and when i looked up and realized that all of the reasons why i got into this were nowhere in sight.
at the top of that list of reasons were freedom and flexibility. and while i didn’t expect it overnight, i also didn’t want to work more than a full-time job with no end in sight, neglecting my health, relationships, and everything i said i valued…. ultimately to make less money than in my previous job.
so what did i do? i began to run micro experiments to test hypotheses about what would be possible for me and my business if i started to release my stress and grip. while i wouldn’t have made a single scientist proud, my experiment did yield quick findings: nothing fell apart when i loosened my grip, stepped away more often, or didn’t call a client back immediately.
in fact, the opposite happened. as i began to revive and thrive, so did my business. and i began to learn how inextricably linked the two truly are.
i also picked up tools that helped me to stay grounded through the natural ebbs and flows of life and business. the tool that made the biggest impact was finding a meditation style that clicked for me. when i did, i became able to somehow both be in my body and outside of it at the same time, able to get an in-real-time perspective on my reactions and decision-making.
my adrenals are still thanking me.