it's time to get off this emotional treadmill

“when ____ happens, i’ll feel _____.” does this madlibs-style sentence feel at all familiar?

fill in blank 1 with any of the following: i…

hit x in revenue
get x more customers
start a consistent meditation practice
work out again
sign up for therapy
get x more followers on instagram
have a great relationship/get married/have kids
am in the dream house/dream car/dream vacation home

fill in blank two with an adjective. perhaps:

happy
fulfilled
satisfied
stable

for example: “when i hit $20,000/month in profit, i’ll feel at peace.”

think back to the last time you thought one of these thoughts and hit that goal. how did you feel? how long did that feeling last? then what happened?

i’m no psychic, but i’ll venture to guess that:

you felt good
that feeling was fleeting
then you were on to the next thing
and set a new, higher, goal

the psychological term for this is the ‘hedonic treadmill’. it gives name to the human tendency to continuously pursue one pleasurable thing after the next. it also states that that feeling will fade… setting us on the inevitable journey to find the next mood spike.

i’m a believer that awareness is the first step. meaning: how aware are you of this tendency in your own life? might it be hiding in plain sight? and how is it affecting you?

a natural initial reaction would be to say, ‘but, darrah: if i don’t go on this ‘treadmill’, i’ll become lazy and stagnant!’.

i beg to disagree. and so does science.

enter: your happiness setpoint. each of us has an average baseline for the level of happiness we experience which derives from a combination of our genetics and our conditioning.

yes: experiences alter it. those are temporary. then we level off back at our setpoint.

goals are still helpful and meaningful. but goals are not the best route for ongoing happiness.

so what is, then?

according to robert puff, ph.d., it's an inside job. he shares, “long-term happiness is rooted in internal circumstances, not external ones. this is empowering because it puts your happiness in your control.”

and who doesn’t like to feel in control?

start with noticing. why? because awareness is an essential first step. we can’t change that of which we are not aware.

second, consider these tips from tal ben-shahar, a writer in the field of positive psychology and leadership.

give yourself permission to be human: accept your emotions, including fear, sadness, and anxiety. rejecting them leads to frustration.
simplify your life. focus on one thing at a time and reduce multitasking.
find meaning and pleasure. engage in goals you want to achieve instead of what you feel obligated to do. spend two hours per week on hobbies. spend time with your loved ones.
focus on the positive and be grateful. each day, write down five things for which you’re grateful.
increase the effort you put into your relationships. go on a date with your significant other or spend more time talking to your children.
be mindful of the mind-body connection through exercise and the practice of mindfulness meditation, yoga, and breathing techniques. research has shown that exercising leads to decreased levels of depression (lyubomirsky & tucker, 1998).

and there’s good news to add to this: it is possible to increase your emotional setpoint so your baseline happiness improves.