this one realization is a huge key to your freedom
if there’s one thing i want you to take away from this article, it’s this:
it’s not about you!
here’s what i’m talking about…
those times when someone derails you with their vitriol (a mean instagram comment, an unkind reply to your email, or flips you the bird in traffic, for example), that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with that person.
he/she/they is projecting his/her/their own pain on you in hopes of the short-lived improved feeling they might generate by bringing you into their negativity.
and here’s what’s so freeing: YOU GET TO CHOOSE HOW YOU RESPOND.
you can choose to take it personally, let it eat you up inside (i sure used to), or get angry in return; or you can opt to send them love and good vibes in your mind and keep it moving.
this is a lesson so many of us learned in elementary school with bullies, so let’s apply it here: bullies thrive on drama. when you don’t engage or take the wind out of their sails by responding positively, it begins to bore them and they move on.
i had this happen to me recently when someone replied to my email using both the F word and the ‘see you next tuesday’ word. in that moment, i laughed because, well frankly, it was an absurd reaction and hugely outsized to the circumstances so i knew it was based in their pain. so with compassion, i did just what i suggested: wished them well in my thoughts and went about my day.
this experience also caused me to think about how our circumstances are a reflection of our thoughts and the energy we put out, so i considered why i attracted this. i chose to believe that it was a little test from the universe to see if i’d grown and to make sure i could handle this if i wanted to keep pursuing a career that will have me in a public-facing role.
speaking of that, a friend shared with me that she ‘doesn’t have any haters’ in her public-facing work and wondered what that meant. if that’s the case for you, again, you get to decide it’s meaning, but here are a few potential ones:
haters are a sign that people are paying attention, which was your goal. so yay, it’s cause for celebration!
you’re not creating an energy to attract them (also cause for celebration)!
you’re withholding something out of fear (consciously or subconsciously) of these types of reactions and could stand to push yourself to step more into your authentic voice.
your community truly enjoys what you’re sharing, so no haters here!
a combo of the above.
none of the above.
i tend to look at it as the more i put myself out there and speak with authenticity and transparency, the more i’m bound to brush up against and trigger others’ wounds. and ultimately, that has the potential to be awakening and/or healing for their traumas. i don’t create with the hope of this, but it’s one way to look at these vitriolic reactions.
